When I am a Mom I Will Never: Thoughts of My Unknowing Former Self

Credit: Mary Cramer Photography

When I am a mom I will never:

Show up late.

Show up late with coffee.

Have a kid with a crusty, runny nose.

Go out in public with dirty hair and yoga pants.

Go out in public with dirty hair and dirty yoga pants.

Go shopping with kids wearing pajamas.

Bribe my pajama clad children to behave on a shopping trip.

Carry a child screaming out of a store/restaurant under my arm like a surfboard wearing a death stare.

Take my child to the pediatrician when there’s nothing wrong with her.

Wait too long to take my child to the pediatrician.


Yell a lot.

Let my kids stay up late.

Put my kids to bed before their bedtime.

Let my kids have PBJ for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Take a bath twice a day.

Take a bath twice a week.

Use glitter.

Never do a sensory activity.

Order everything offline.

Make everything from scratch.


Bribe for vegetables.

Bribe for behavior.

Bribe for everything.

Over post about my children on social media.

Talk to strangers about my children.

Stay up too late making a first birthday banner that will get thrown away the next day.

Cry at milestones.

Cry because a toddler is “being mean to me.”

Cry in the bathroom.

Cry in my closet.

Laugh until I pee my pants.

Put my child ahead of my marriage.

Put myself ahead of my child.

Scroll through my phone while parenting.

Wish I’d gone back to work.

Dress my kids alike.

Dress my daughter like me.

Go on too many date nights.

Not go on enough date nights.

Put my self care too far down on the priority list.

Have groceries delivered.

Abandon a grocery cart due to a crying baby.

Order pizza because dinner just couldn’t be cooked.

Play instead of cook.

Cook instead of play.

Ignore a tantrum.


Say Yes!

Say No.

Forget to listen.

Judge another mother because I am having a bad day.

Judge myself because I am having a bad day.

Drink coffee until it’s time to drink wine.

Yell at my husband because I’m tired and I know he will forgive my yelling.

Sing (and dance) to Baby Shark.

Know which season of Daniel Tiger the “Love Day” episode is in (because my kids won’t watch TV)

Skip pages of bedtime stories.

Make up stories.

Lie to say the park is closed.

Be the silliest.

Love the biggest.


Now that I am a mother I am stretched and shaped in ways I never before thought possible. There is simply no way to know how you will be until you know.

When you know better, you do better –Maya Angelou

My only hope for myself and every other women journeying through motherhood is that we can all give ourselves the grace to know this job is a learn as you go state of affairs. In each moment of self judgement, may we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. We were hand-picked to shepherd these tiny souls through their childhoods. There is no one better for the job! If we have a bad day, God willing, we will get another chance to wake up and “do better” tomorrow. So my final “when I am a mom” is my goal for the future: When I am a mom, I will never judge myself when I am doing the best job I know how to do.

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