#Momfail Monday: Meet Emily

kyle-nieber-635997-unsplashEmily is a first time mom to eight week old daughter, Celeste. She is on maternity leave for the next four weeks from her job as physical therapist. Her husband John is an extremely devoted husband and new father. John left for a six month deployment yesterday. As much as it was amazing to have John on leave for Celeste’s birth, learning to navigate new motherhood on her own is a challenge. These are her stories.

Monday

9:47 am

My pounding head suggests a hangover, but I haven’t had a drop of alcohol save the quarter glass of champagne I had night one home from the hospital. Must be the eleven, that right eleven times Celeste woke up last night. That’s once most hours and twice some hours. Imprinted into my face is a elephant shaped Wubbanub and my iPhone. The open search history on my dying laptop displays sleep training tips, attachment parenting tips, free range parenting tips, when is it okay to self soothe tips and midnight cookie delivery services. One eye open I nurse Celeste for the 8 millionth time thinking how beautiful this little sleep-hating monster really is. I am going to get something, anything done today. After I nap again. They do say sleep when the baby sleeps.

2:32pm

Ok! I’ve napped the day away along side Celeste. Time for us both to eat. My 4 am microwave burrito isn’t keeping mama full anymore. It’s nacho o’clock. While those bake I’m going to get a little exercise in. All about balance right. Pulling out my dusty yoga mat I scroll through Youtube until I find a Mommy and me yoga video where the instructor doesn’t look too baked or self-righteous. Well, my little yogi had other plans. Happy baby pose inspires a diaper blow out that covers both of us. Namaste. Per my new parenting philosophy “guaranteed to get baby to sleep through the night in two weeks time” I cannot bathe her until 20 minutes shy of bedtime. Paralyzed with the idea of sitting with a stinky baby until then, I decide a bath with the non-lavender (lavender is sleep inducing per @babyessentialoils who I follow on Instagram) soap won’t break our new “routine” too much. That and we are completely off schedule for today which makes it the same as every other day thus far.

6:55 pm

We got behind on our routine again, but this time because Daddy called to FaceTime with his girls. Swoon. Celeste fell asleep in the carrier which means I am doing great according to my attachment parenting book, but failing miserably according to my self soothing book. Why is this all so confusing? As my stomach growls I remember the congealed nachos I never got around to eating earlier. Plop. A giant dollop of sour cream lands on Celeste’s sleeping bald head. Gingerly, I lick that bite right off, beaming with pride that I managed to get every bit in just one lick. I survey the dishes littering the counter, the sofa covered in laundry and decide we should just call it a night. Bachelor in Paradise marathon with my girl for the win! I’ll try that whole schedule thing again tomorrow.

Happy Monday, Emily!

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